Mon 5 Jan 09

Hares - Lady Muck, Private Parts & Mr Caught Short

Birthdays - terrestrial - Honka and Florette

Virgins - Katie Neil and John.

Licks - When will people learn that just after Christmas and in the midst of the January sales even the dimmest RA is on the look out for new shoes - whilst looking for a way of breaking his in on the quiet without being accused of training.  Licks was reminded by testing the beer-tightness of the afore mentioned apparel.

Little Dickie - tried to dob up Slurry by letting it be known that she had snuck off to the pub at some stage of the run.  It was gently explained to him that this was in fact most commendable in a Hasher.

Reports 2008

Mon 1 Dec 08

Hares - Nora Batty and Slatter. 

"When I laid it was light I forgot it would get dark".  After the Gleuvine stop - The neatest garage in the world with a life time supply of dishwasher salt.

Portia - For dripping about the beer (had to drink lager), the trail, the ... but mainly for leading the whole pack up a falsie- A pint of water.

Group 4 - "There's a settee in this skip just like mine " - as the lady of the house watched him out the window - Down down only because it was his birthday

Buckles - 150

Crunchie - for taking Pumpkin on the long route and a constant promise to get to the shortcut, Joined by Harold Lloyd and Herr Flick to make up the numbers to 3 - the same as the Harindgay council had just sacked - A pint of Ribena to pass round (just like the blame)

Mon 23 Nov

Hares - The Ladies wot run and Portia. - "What are you doing here June you've just come up the trail the wrong way" (Portia to fellow hare).  "No way is the trail up there" just before going up there.  "It all looks different in the dark"

Tart and Careless - on handing over the Hursley GM.

Noodle - " I was on the way back from Edinburgh so just dropped into the pub" , no down down because he accused the RA of wearing work shoes.

Delia - "Hope I am not on that list" - He was but ... no down down.

Slurry - Went to Washington shopping.  Forgot her sports bra.  Little Dickie offered his support but could not keep up.... with the speed of her running I assume.

Honka - White trainers complaining of the shiggy, trying to get run down, and refusing to pay for Mrs B (tight git).  Mainly because I could give him one ... down down.

Run 1171

This run at The March Hare was given the name “The Crazy Ram at Play” by one member of the Hash. That sums it up really!! In fact there were three Hares, Nora Batty, Ram and Paxman who was brought in at the last minute. The turnout wasn’t too bad with most of the usual gang making an appearance. I would say that the short cutters and the main pack did two separate trails, but in reality, there were too many trails to mention. This is the reason you’re not going to get much of a report this week

Apart from lots of trails, there were lots of rebellions which resulted in a very fragmented Hash. Arse Wiper said he had never encountered such a huge amount of whingeing on a hash. Squeaky got lost and we all thought that Group4 was missing as well. There was also some concern about Cumin an Parkyer Rolls and Squiffy who decided to do their own thing. After some of the pack reached Winchester Rugby Club it was decided that Paxman would do a live trail and get everybody back to the pub. Just as well really, otherwise the runners would still be out there now!!

Some of us went through the college grounds by kind permission of the college Bursar…very architecturally interesting and some lovely views. There were a few “walking wounded” this week with Ashley, Blackthorn and BTV nursing bad knees and stretched stitches. Ram was suffering from a groin strain…(please don’t ask)!!!!!

When eventually everybody got back to the pub, Alice was parading his bare legs around and there was something odd about Bog Man. Apparently the run was 5.64 miles long according the Boy with a Toy. Gunner’ere deserves a special mention for trying to nick the Hash Scribe’s drink.

  The DDs were awarded to the Hares and Bog Man got one. We had eventually worked out that his strange appearance was due to him having shaved off his beard. Socks Maniac got a DD for enquiring what else Bog Man had shaved off, Skitter had done 250 runs and Jamie the pub manager received one for putting up with us all plus providing free gratis some wonderful hash sandwiches, onion rings (of which I devoured a fair proportion of) and chips. Oh, and we’re still looking for Squeaky!!

Run 1170  

Although The Prince of Wales, Bishopstoke is the long time venue for LISP (Lost in Stoke Park) hashes, this run will forever be known as the “Night of the Lost Knives”. Luckily lost because they were out for Piggy Front by the end of the trail. TK was the co-hare so there was an assumption that he would keep Piggy Front’s trail laying under control. How wrong could we be!!

The first sign that all was not well was when Piggy Front was seen with a chain saw and part of a tree in the car park. TK was wandering about with a lump on his head and a mild case of concussion. There were dire warnings at the briefing about water, mud and darkness. A virgin who had arrived wearing pearls and carrying a very pretty gold handbag was taken aside by Hampshireman and given a good talking to. Her name is Lucy and she had been encouraged to come along by Ram, who, needless to say hadn’t given the poor girl an accurate description of what hashing is all about and decided in his wisdom not to turn up. Is there an accurate description???

After we had been told that those who didn’t have torches should “find a Buddy who did and share” we all trundled out of the car park and headed off to the right. The main pack crossed the road and made their way along a wet, dark and slippery path. That put paid to the “Buddy” bit as the path was single track and there was no room to hold hands.

Needless to say there were a few tumbles and Slurry got a splinter in her hand. The short cutters made their way across an equally wet and dark bit of ground. Pumpkin was OK as he had a dinosaur on his head as well as a torch. 

By a neat bit of tactical running (?) we managed to avoid the ENORMOUS river crossing. However, there was a rebellion in the main pack, led by Mustapha, and many refused at the water jump. There were numerous obstacles on this trail apart from the mud. Things like tree roots and low flying branches had to be overcome.

By this time, quite lot of whinging was going on. Mrs Beeton was on the warpath and took note of Piggy Front’s address so that she can return sometime and duff him up!! For a small fee, she will pass the information on to any other hasher who wishes to do the same. It was also noted the trail passed by his new abode and not even a house warming beer stop was laid on. However the wizened old orienteerior cast off all the crit with a weary smile and didn’t throw his toys out of the pram like a previous now ex VW2H3 hasher and IT exspurt.

Eventually everybody returned to the pub, more or less in one piece. Socks Maniac had blocked in a local’s car and the poor chap had been waiting for half an hour. Mind you, Socks had only been following the instructions of that well-known “jobsworth” Portia who had been directing traffic at the start.

Cap’n Birdseye had the Hash Cash list thrust upon him by Delia. Bika did his duty as RA and awarded the DDs. The hares got their beers to shouts of “diabolical” from certain quarters. Lucy the virgin gave an interesting account of her encounter with Ram (censored of course) and she drank a bottle of Smirnoff Ice as a DD. Apart from her sin of causing an obstruction with her car, Socks got a DD for asking for piggy backs on the trail. Mustapha got an award for leading the rebellion and Hoi Sin received one for being unable to understand what the blobs meant.

Finally, Delia went round the pub and accused people, your scribe included, of not paying their subs although not the slightest bit bothered that the 50^th tankards were out of control. Don’t target the conscientious payers Delia. Look out for the ones who ALWAYS sneakily don’t pay!!!

Run 1169  

Now that I’ve returned from my stay in Cyprus, HM has handed back the reins to me (well, sort of, as HM likes to do his “editing” bit as well as the cartoons and archive stuff). Bob the Virgin, or BTV as he likes to be called, complained that my Hash News is not as rude as HM’s efforts. I’ve assured him that can soon be rectified!!!!

There was the usual fine weather for the run from The County Arms…NOT. Previous trails have been run in sleet, rain, blizzards and gale force winds. These past runs have resulted in cases of hypothermia and numerous falls. Tonight seemed reasonably fine. There was only a fine drizzle instead of the usual downpour.

Careless was the lone Hare. Actually, Mudlark had helped to lay the trail, but was absent on the run. Must have had an urgent appointment with a wasp’s nest or suchlike. Off we went, with the usual gang of runners following the trail and the usual slackers following Cap’n Birdseye. There was a virgin tonight called Theresa. She told us she had come along because somebody had told her we were “all very nice”. Ha, ha, we won’t see her again!!

Hampshireman stayed in the pub, something to do with Achilles (??) I always thought Achilles was a Greek hero…aka Brad Pitt. Obviously I misheard.  Quite a few “old” faces appeared, including Skitter and Pip Squeak. Gunner’ere turned up very late and despite following the arrows, he managed to get lost. Apparently Hoi Sin was wearing her Marigolds on the run. I missed what that was all about, so am none the wiser. Sounds a bit kinky to me.

Slurry was late and got cramp running (?) uphill. Needless to say, it soon started to rain heavily. There were quite a few wimps..(sorry, short cutters) who decided to turn back ‘cos they were getting wet. These included Warbler, Honka, Bob The Virgin, Theresa, Pip Squeak, Slurry and me.

 In the pub, minus Gunner’ere who was still running around Winchester, there were lots of snitches passed my way. The main one was about Delia phoning home using Cap’n Birdseye’s mobile to instruct Heather to order his food at the pub. Can he afford it and does that mean he was short cutting??!!! Talking of money, the new Hash Cash is Mr Caughtshort, with frequent interference from Delia.

Paxman turned up in the pub looking wet and bedraggled. He told us he had been doing “real” sport, i.e. rugby. Mr Cuddles was sporting a new aerodynamic haircut, which was only effective if he ran backwards.

The DD’s were awarded and apart from the Hare, Skitter received one for turning up once a year to get his subsidised Christmas meal for himself, his wife and fifteen children. Licks received one for saying that he’d better get a torch in case it gets dark at night. TK got one for messing up the Royal Marines’ pay system, Hoi Sin for her Domestic Goddess impression and of course the virgin got one too. By the way, Cumin and Parkyer Rolls was heard to comment...”isn’t Group4 Noisy”. You mean he’s only just noticed????  

Run 1168                                       

Salubrious or what? The 'Arrer' in Eastleigh is an out and out sports pub with a multitude of TV screens including one outside in the smokers lounge. The new management were quite happy to see our free spending throng fill at least half the place, budging all the usual select array of punters up close and smellily personal to watch some London team play Reading. Real Ale was a nice surprise in this once lager only pub.

Herr Flick limped in after only 30 minutes claiming a calf sprain actually beating Honka to take his place alongside the arty farty GM still claiming tiredness and therefore not out and about. Squeaky Clean acted RA and struggled to hold the Hash enthralled against a background of football commentary and total

indifference especially from some besuited bloke from the Water Board. Delia for once was on a high as the RA spent a minimal amount and the beer was cheap. Portia did well to lay a good trail in the urban wastelands west of the old railway town and got the pack drinking within the hour more or less. He was supposed to be joint hare with New Boiler who now travels in her new job and was unable to sprinkle flour but managed to turn up for the run. Permission to allow Pumpkin in for half an hour was granted and he stayed to munch his way through a giant packet of crisps for about 2 hours whilst his mum nursed her bad foot damaged after falling over a fag end during Friday's pub crawl.    

  Bogman was so bored with Socks Maniac's gushing eulogy about her new vertically challenged BF he tried to tear his hair out and on realising he had none, he ripped his beard off. Sadly it did not improve the old Ringwood sex god's countenance. Small Filling - surprisingly for one accustomed to high falluting eating and drinking establishments as a power person, found an old drinking buddy at the bar

Run 1167

Somewhere along the line we seem to have adopted the Black Boy pub as our new HQ. Following the H4 Halloween Hash, then this Hash and the Fukall Hash soon after, making it 3 visits in 10 days, the genial Mr Nicholson is beaming through his face fungus at the gallonage of Summer Lightning and Pots seeping from his tubes.

Tonight was our annual Firework Hash conveniently falling on the actual date. The pack was taken up the rocky slopes of St Giles Hill multiple staircase to watch a truly wondrous display sponsored by Alresford Dental Care (what them again?) and we sincerely thank them on behalf of VW2H3 for their generosity.

After that, it was find the sparkly flour, but there wasn’t enough in the blobs to notice, but what was noticed were the old trails from Halloween so the pack was splattered all over Winchester. Last seen travelling towards the wilds of Winnall, the FRBs were left to their own devices but still managed to  find the trail back in.

  Once in and getting the beers in, the pack found itself gradually squeezed into one end of the room by a blues band which increased in numbers until at 9pm just at the end of the RA’s efforts, they burst into life and the previous sardine pack emptied leaving a few teenyboppers such as Bogman, Socks Maniac, Buckles, Bare Cheek, Warbler and Blackthorn tuned in.

It did not give GM HM time to announce once again that the annual, once yearly, every 12 months bar a day or two Mis-Management meeting was to be held the following evening and all are welcome. When he announced it the previous week he was stunned by the silence following the invitation to attend, showing once again the astounding commitment the pack have to make sure their hash is run correctly.

Blast from the Past!

Run 1166 

Apparently not a lot happened on the hash from The Cricketers at Alresford. One or two people got lost and Timekeeper wended his own rumoured or should that be rheumatic way around this sleepy little market town, home of the mighty Alresford Dental Care dynasty. One of the directors of this renowned (private if you please) fang farriers establishment could not make it as he was on a pair with a conference  and the other director was not feeling 100% so disappeared soon after the run, having taken an age to find it from a mere half mile away and then disturbed all the locals by changing her joggers and exposing her large whites in the car park. Alresford Running sisters were out in force as you would expect and this time Joanne did not fall over!

  The hares Been Before and Willy Wonky claimed partial sickness only enough for them to take a sicky from work and lay the trail but needed the foghorn of GM HM to call the pack together for a briefing.

  Delia pranced about with a silly little bog brush, yet asked pertinent questions about the location of both the Hashit seat and the GM’s crowning seat. We know where one of them is.

  STOP PRESS Bad news from abroad, in fact all the way from NZ. The lovely LCB, sad old Clepto’s darling and beautiful daughter (famous for her naked hash bar duties) and ex GF of the Hoggmeister will not be able to join us as previously expected on our Christmas hash on Dec 17^th.

  Warbler fed the Hash by doling out chips in the shade of some tombstones, which brightened the atmosphere,  having been saddened by Hampshireman’s lack of participation on the run due to his Achilles.

  Stand in RA Beryl’s Bits did a sterling job in lashing out many drinks considering the goody goody nature of the night, to once again aggravate Delia who sulked for the rest of the evening. Of course when you have a rash (no not you Licks) of big numbers like Ram’s 350^th and Careless’s 200^th, the drinks have to be served in time honoured halves.

Run 1165

Once the scattered hashers gathered in one spot over this huge car park (Isaac failed to find it first time round) it was an excellent crew slightly shivering as GM jumped ahead of the briefing and called for hush. Admonishing the hares in suitably stern fashion for not giving the pub enough notice and therefore causing a problem within the hash

friendly walls of The Old House at Home. GM made the point that as stated on the run list “Tell them we’re coming well in advance”. The same day is not advance.

  Romsey is a good winter hash town with lots of roads, lanes and estates and the hares promised a tourist route on top of the normal trail although using H4 markings for checks, another aberration. Everyone looked forward to a tour round the Abbey but it was once round a park. Even Capt. Birdseye who had cast his crotch away looked forward to seeing old remains, however citing injury GM HM did an SCB back to the pub with Honka so had to wait.

The landlord of the hostelry had negotiated with his special party of diners in for a 50^th birthday celebration and they had kindly agreed to his suggestions of moving from their chosen table. The decks were therefore cleared. There weren’t many actual sinners en-route so RA Bika was struggling to find snitches and had to resort to using (in the nicest possible way) the barmaid Sophie on her first night on the job. After the circle many disappeared pretty pronto to go and watch TV. What is the world of VW2H3 coming to?

Of course dear Careless broke the mould not wanting to watch Fanny Hill, as per the masses mentioned above - yes that’s what is was on BBC4 at 9pm. The H4 GM wanted something thoughtful and intellectual as always, not even Tottenham Hotspur’s dreadful three one defeat against The Lads on Sky Sports to plunge them to the relegation zone of the premiership, similar to Rochdale’s precarious situation too, was to tempt her to sit quietly (ha! That’s a laugh) with Portia.  She wanted to watch Eastenders Omnibus Edition! So we were told, allegedly.

Delia was castigated by many for refusing to run with the Hashit and received due penance in a spiked Monkey’s Scrotum. He then asked Hampshireman to refund the cost of half of bitter from last week. On a high due to Darlington’s near leadership of the 2^nd Division, HM promptly refused.

Run 1164

Once everyone had found the pub, we had a decent number to have a briefing from Delia and Mudlark. The pub is very hash friendly yet difficult to find if you don't know it. Situated in the urban mess of Millers Dale, C/Ford., The Hiltonbury Farmhouse has a non illuminated sign up in some trees so many hashers drove past it. A clever trail, what else from these two seasoned professionals, led the pack through houses, houses, paths, houses, a bit of wood and then some houses and lo and behold back to the pub. On the way round Very Tardy volunteered herself to the growth of ranks of walking wounded. Her ankle nicely swollen, apparently looked quite attractive to Hampshireman compared to her elegant other one.

Bika had a full house of DDs to give away, much to the depressed Delia who watched the hash cash disappear just after it had been collected. There were birthdays for Buck the System and Hampshireman, 600 runs to Mrs Beeton and Warbler, a naming and the hashit too. One of Private Parts friends (and yes, he does have some) was very late turning up, couldn't find the pub apparently, wonder why, and moaned that she couldn't see the 'arrers'. She was duly named Dead Cowboy and promptly nominated someone to drink her half of beer, claiming a not very obvious pregnancy. Being a doctor she should know. Isaac had several qualifiers for the Hashit, but Delia got it for something. Windy Miller came with his wife, at the same time it was noted, so he got a DD too.

One of the locals - a nice big boy they thought was called Yeoman, but it was Johan, declared it was his b/day too. His mates had given him a very fetching if not small nurses uniform to help him celebrate and he had been denied wearing it in fear of embarrassing the Hashers hahahaha. GM HM quickly borrowed the cost of half a pint of Banks bitter from a protesting Delia and succeeded in raising a chorus of Hashy Birthday to the happy lad, once he had donned the plastic dress and declared he would run with VW2H3 forever and a day.

Apology

The Hash Press Council has passed judgement and the Editor and Unable Assistant have been ordered to issue this statement:-

In the previous issue number 2007/2, it was stated that Honka had decided to go on the long trail, but fell over when his legs gave out 100 yards down the road. It was inferred that he blamed the Hares as he always does. The truth was, at the time he was utterly bladdered on an overdose of Rioja whilst golfing in Spain and that was the reason he fell over. We are happy to publish this unreserved apology.

Run 1163

An unearthly pong greeted us at the King Charles on the occasion of a return to what has been called our home pub. Yes, we did have several if not many enjoyable events at the Gales pub run by ex hasher Big Ballox, indeed St Patrick’s night one particular year resulted in making Hampshireman redecorate his upstairs loo!! But it was a rural odour rather than an unhealthy black stuff projectile vomit that hung over Springvale Rd. Anyway the pub is out in the sticks, therefore in farm land, but still on the edge of Winchester and ensures a goodly turnout and soon it was noticed that Hoisin was running the show on her own in the absence of her co hare and better half (which she vehemently contests) Noodle who supposedly had fallen off a style of hasher the previous day on some other hashes celebration of some runs along a railway line…whatever!

Timekeeper duly volunteered as he always does, isn’t he lovely? to take the shorties on a little jaunt to the beer stop at a well-known Something-ologist’s house in the better half of Kingsworthy, well away from Mr Cuddles’s residence for instance. The FRBs trail was long uphill then long flat linear followed by downhill linear long on rough terrain until it crossed, for the second time, the main line to London and points north.  Health and Safety officers were on patrol so bridges and tunnels were used. After that your scribe was concerned, nay worried about Joanne from the Alresford Running Sisters who fell badly due to her new shoes finding a boulder and twisted her knee. When lo and beholden along came Gunner’ere who picked her up, dusted her off and started all over again after he loaned her his torch. A nice, albeit rare gesture for an Arsenal supporter. ArseWiper offered his help too but it was determined that something as crude as a torn off bit of Page 3 of The Daily Mirror was not appropriate. Bearing all other considerations, H/man and Uncle Honka in his agonising role you understand, helped the poor stricken yet cheerful hasher into the pub and then proceeded to bore her rigid with rugby talk helped along by other walking wounded such as Noodle (beautifully dressed by the way), Capt. Birdseye minus Sam who was taking Slurry for a run ha ha ha ha., and Paxman on a sicky from hashing due to rugby training.

RA dished out DDs to several people, some were hashers. And even the quiet one Cox and Balls got one for being quiet. Must hear all about that one, emails our Editor Henry Knickers away on her hols in Cyprus. Right that’s it, easy. Next???????

Run 1162

Isaac and Group4 were worried that nobody was going to turn up this evening. However, they needn’t have worried, as the car park of The Mill Arms was soon jammed up with Hashers’ cars. Super Suction and Impressive had arrived from Vienna. Harry had also turned up, despite being banned. However, as he was on a lead, he was allowed to run. Off we went, out of the car park, turned right and ran into the woods. Hampshireman was bringing up the rear as he has an Achilles tendon injury, but soon gave up and headed back to the pub. TK and Warbler were latecomers (surprise, surprise) but they managed to catch us up. It was getting progressively darker as we ran out of the woods, across a field and eventually came out onto the road again. We all gathered at a regroup, where Spike and owner appeared having got to the start even later than TK and Warbler!!!!

Cuminan Parkyer Rolls also appeared out of the gloom and pretended not to hear the instructions for the long trail. He seems to be suffering from a nasty case of selective deafness these days. Having said that, he wasn’t the only one to wimp out and quite a few of us, including Florette and Mrs Beeton, both of whom had completed a half marathon the previous day, headed back to the pub in the dark. On the long trail, No Nicks decided to drench everybody by jumping into puddles. The main recipient of her antics was Arse Wiper. It was a long loop, but everybody returned to the pub safely, if rather damp.

Portia was overheard explaining to some gullible soul, that we were a running club, not a hash. I think that is stretching the imagination a bit too far!!!

Bika was RA and eventually got round to doing the DDs. Group4 and Isaac got their DDs for good trail. Portia and Careless received awards for having a joint birthday bash. The “returnados”, Super Suction and Impressive each got a DD. No Nicks got a DD for trying to hide the fact she had new shoes on, by jumping in puddles, and Bika awarded himself one. Apparently he had tried to race Portia (by Webmaster - AND WON). Finally, Isaac got yet another DD for being an old git!!

A point of interest, the Hash was 3.68 miles long and was run in 46.35 minutes at an average speed of 4.7 mph. You can draw your own conclusions about who supplied that information. No, it wasn’t Bogman.

Run1161

As Yours Truly and Parcel Force were the Hares for this Hash, there will be a little bit of bias in the reporting this week. We all gathered in the large car park at The Empress of Blandings. There was a good turnout, despite the fact the venue was off the beaten track for some of our regulars. Pure Genius from Guernsey visited us which was nice. Parcel Force gave an excellent and very comprehensive briefing, outlining all the hazards on the trail. While all this was being explained, Spice Boy screeched into the car park, doing his Lewis Hamilton impression and spraying everyone with gravel!!

As neither Hares were capable of keeping up with the speedier element, it was decided to give a map to Squeaky. I had grave misgivings about the wisdom of this, when I noticed he had the map upside down. There was a bad start to the run when Group4 decided to call the “On” in the wrong direction…nothing new there!! Eventually the pack found the right trail. Honka decided to go on the long trail, but soon turned back when his legs gave out 100 yards down the road. Of course he blamed the Hares for his foolhardiness. The truth was, he had been too busy “warming up” to pay attention to the briefing.

The long trail took the runners along a narrow footpath covered in nettles. This path ran along side a field full of bullocks that frightened Portia, Ram and a few others. Pushover was heard complaining about the barbed wire fence being above her head. One can only assume she was crawling along on her tummy.

Onwards we went, through fields, up roads and along tracks. Slurry and Pink Bits decided it was all too much for them and had a little sit down at a bus stop. Spice Boy overtook everybody and disappeared into the distance, totally on his own. It was getting dark and some of the long cutters decided to take the short cut near the end. A few braver FRBs decided to do the “runners loop”.

Back at the pub, Bika did his duty as RA and awarded the DDs. Slurry received one for turning up in a new car. Pure Genius got one for having a swift pint in the pub BEFORE the run and Squeaky for his lack of map reading skills…(and his chapped thighs). Spice Boy got one for trying to kill all the hashers in the car park, Mudlark for snagging his bits and Honka for trying to do the long trail. There was a Virgin too this week. He confessed he thought it was a bike ride, but he’d forgotten his bike anyway!!! Warbler couldn’t award the Hashit ‘cos she’s lost it.

Apology.

The Hash Press Council has passed judgement and the Editor and Unable Assistant have been ordered to issue this statement:-

In the previous issue number 2007/1, it was stated that Halfpound was a member of  the Southampton Running Club. This is an untruth as he is a member of Team Southampton and therefore he wears a really pretty red and white number (not a scummy blue vest), frilly edge knickers and carries a pink purse whilst athleting. We are happy to publish this unreserved apology.

Run 1160

      Unbeknown to quite a few regulars, tonight was “BBQ Night” at the Exchange in Winchester. Normally flyers are sent out to advertise such social events, but for some reason this didn’t happen. A show of hands had been asked for the previous week instead.

Most of us parked in the Tower car park and toddled down the hill to meet the rest of the runners. Everybody listened intently (???) to the briefing given by Beryl and Tart. However, there was a minor interruption when Beryl was run over by a taxi. Unfazed by this we walked, ran and gossiped our way down the road at the side of the pub. There were some new faces and some old faces, including Ruth and Blackthorn.

There were also some latecomers namely Group4, Mr Cuddles and Very Tardy. Now, Group4 is not renowned for his sense of direction, so it is something of a mystery why Mr Cuddles and Very Tardy chose to follow him. He proceeded to run in the opposite direction to everybody else. However, Mr Cuddles and Very Tardy soon realised their mistake and left Group4 to his own devices.

It was an interesting route that took us round the houses and past The Bell Inn. There were mutterings about a beer stop at SuperSuction’s pad until it was realised he was in Slovenia, so it was not to be. Up the hill we went and did a bit a train spotting by the railway bridge. Eventually, we reached the bottom of Stanmore Lane where there were rumblings of discontent from certain quarters. Parcel Force, Beryl and I ran up to meet the main pack, only to find nobody had followed us. Looking back we heard Uncle Honka complain about the shortcut being too long!!!!! TK, Beryl, Parcel Force and I decided to go back via the recreation ground and through some dark alleyways, while the rest of the pack headed for home via a different route.

We all got safely back, despite there being several breakaway groups. We were all seated outside and the BBQ was served very promptly. It was a bit of a squash, but we all managed to get a seat.

Careless had been appointed as RA and needless to say the Hares received their DDs. Tart also received his 50 Runs tankard and so did Little Dicky. Mr Caught Short and Delia (same old faces) received their DDs for going through the river. Actually, that was a story standing in the way of the truth, because they didn’t go in the river. Noodle got a half-pint for being extremely stupid and locking his car while the door was still open. By the way, despite best efforts by some people, you can’t bribe me into leaving out the true (???) facts about these misdemeanours.

Talking of misdemeanours, Hash Cash has suggested that I should name and shame those who consistently fail to cough up their pound, despite taking part in the hash each week. So come on folks, whether you run or walk or socialise don’t be mean. If you take part in Hash events, which are usually subsidised, a pound should not be difficult to hand over.

Oh, and I nearly forgot, TK ate all the doughnuts!!!

FOOTNOTE Hampshireman and Florette were absent on this hash, touring England in their chariot. They visited HalfPint and Brer Phil in Settle, Yorkshire who asked to be remembered to all those who know them and don’t want to know them

Run1159

Although the run list stated quite clearly that we were to meet in the Monument car park, there were a few of us who got confused. Now, I know you’re all saying, “So what’s new”, but some of us do pride ourselves on our navigational skills!!! All the uncertainty resulted in various hashers parking in various car parks, while others whizzed past the entrance to the right place and disappeared into the distance. It was said that Ram took a 10-mile detour to get back to the start. Worrying really, as he designs the route of his marathon on that area.

Those who had driven around in confusion eventually turned up after the runners had set off twenty minutes earlier. Private Parts, Mr Cuddles and Henry arrived to find Cap’n Birdseye doing a fair impression of a car park attendant. Apparently, he’s suffering from a “David Rooney” metatarsal injury, so he was standing guard on his crutches!!!

The hares had left plenty of arrows for us to follow, so we set off in hot pursuit of the pack. Private Parts told us that he had met two lost walkers while he was trying to find the car park. He had given them directions and they were last seen heading towards Salisbury…the fact that they wanted to get to Winchester is irrelevant.

Eventually we three caught up and found Sam (Cap’n Birdseye’s dog) blazing a trail with Delia being dragged along behind. Portia had initially taken charge of the dog, but his Barbara Woodhouse skills didn’t come up to scratch.

The woods are an excellent running ground with lots of wide tracks. There were a few detours on to the narrower paths, but all in all, it was a splendid run. There was a good turnout this week, with the welcome return of Harold Lloyd and Pumpkin. Hairdo and Foul Pest were also back on the scene after a long absence, complete with the apple of Florette’s eye, the baby Madeleine.

After driving back to The Dolphin in Hursley, we all crammed into the bar and the locals left. Piggy Front was guest RA and he quickly organised the DDs. Mustapha and Small Filling, the Hares, received their awards. Little Dicky got one for looking for a screw in the bushes and Bare Cheek got one for exposing herself to Mudlark. Mudlark also got a half-pint for looking!!! At least he didn’t use a torch when years back she was spotted and handled. Bog Man got a DD along with Portia, but as I’ve lost the rest of my notes, you’ll have to make the rest up yourselves.